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..DECEMBER 2nd, 2011This was the first day I became cognizant that Elaine was away from the house more and more often. When I asked her about it, she told me that she was really getting into the Christmas spirit this year, and was hanging out at the mall and other shopping centers. I didn't question her further. Looking back on it, I should have known that her devious little mind was hatching some exotic scheme ... the type that only Elaine seems capable of putting together....DECEMBER 9th, 2011I decided to phone and have it out with my brother, and if he didn't answer my call (the way he'd refused to answer my three previous attempts) I was going to track him down and talk to him in person. To my surprise, however, he picked it up on the second ring.I told him I was sorry, and he said he accepted my apology. That sort of threw me a little. I was expecting a bit more indignation, and maybe a verbal fight. Somewhat at a loss for words, I mentioned that we'd missed him at Thanksgiving. They stood in a huddle on th tarmac wondering what the fuck to do next. The RAF band had run out of music and were doing Jazz improvisations very badly and the Lieutenant still hadn’t changed her skirt for a pair of trousers.Camilla saw it first. Andy’s woody. She was impressed but at Seventy big cocks just meant a lot of pain, so she prefferred Charles.“He has a woody, do something,” Camilla hissed.“Don’t be fucking thick I’m not queer,” Charles replied.“Get Sarah,” Camilla hissed.Royal aides had bundled Sarah into the boot of the Range Rover just in case. And wisely so.“Release the hounds,” Charles ordered using the secret code word.Sarah was not amused, “I am not amused.” she said, “One minute I’m signing Budgie the Helicopter books in Poundland in Kensington High street and then I’m bundled into the boot of a Range Rover.”“Still flogging the books?” Charles chuckled, “Should use them for firewood.”“We are,” Andy said, “We have five bedrooms full of the damned things not that we.
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